It sits over there behind a screen because I do not want to see it. It is an unwelcome guest, no matter how much oxygen it can deliver. And it's ugly. So is the 60lb O2 tank in the storeroom to use in case there's a power outage. Even uglier.
I am totally discombobulated. Surely this is a huge mistake. It was only yesterday I was the nurse in this same scenario, helping others navigate serious health issues. Holding hands, rubbing the back of people in pain, listening to their fears and anger so they could feel heard, doing all I could to bring a little light into their lives.....
I'm aware of an almost irresistible urge to grab a hammer and beat the sh*t out of this ugly beige monster dripping with tentacles just waiting to trip me as I go by. F*ck YOU, monster! Just how the hell am I gonna hang onto my protective denial with YOU leering at me and blowing your crap right up my nose? Sh*t. Sh*t. Sh*t!!
(Deep breath) Ok. I'm Ok. This is a temporary emotional storm that will pass, as they always do. (Another deep breath.)
I'm told R2D2 was a cool little robot that helped Luke Skywalker do cool things. I'm not up on Star Wars lore..so if any of you know more cool things about that robot that might help me out here, I'd appreciate it!
I can remember when I thought I would slide right through this aging/disability stuff in some saintly "state of grace". Wrong again. My "Fuckit List" (thanks, Obama) gets longer every day.
The good news is that I don't need O2 continuously, just as needed, for now. And that in spite of COPD and the fact that my spine/skeletal system is collapsing, I can still find the funny stuff that comes along with being seriously old! Some of is it just flat out hilarious.
R2D2 thanks you all for reading, thus saving him from the hammer!